Practical Help and Support
Do not leave the sexual violence victim alone. Be there to help, or call over someone close whom the victim trusts. The experienced violence could seriously hinder their ability to cope with life and work, and the person might need assistance with daily errands. Sticking to a daily routine is vital – it will restore the sense of security. Help to take care of the basic needs – good food and sufficient sleep. Ask if you can help with babysitting or other daily activities. The conversation must not only revolve around the incident, although talking about it with someone whom the person trusts is vital for healing.
It is important for the person that they are treated as the same person as before experiencing the act of violence. Be open and close. It is good for the victim to know that you are there for them when needed.
The traumatic experience could cause sleep disorders, state of fear, and concentration problems. The basic security feeling of the person is deranged and they may also fear going somewhere alone. Offer to go along – like to the doctor’s or the police. Encourage the victim to seek professional help.
Emotional Support
A person who has fallen victim to sexual violence might feel ashamed, unsafe, hopeless, helpless, fear, guilt, and anger. Assure them that you are there to help and that you believe them. Tell them that the incident is not their fault – the victim could not have prevented what happened in any way. Understanding and compassion are the most important characters of the supporter. You can not erase what happened, but you can help your close one to recover and heal.
Listen. It is healing for the victim when they can talk about the incident as time passes. Do not belittle it, do not doubt it. Allow the victim to talk as often as they want. Talking to someone helps to create a more orderly picture about the incident and to gain control over related thoughts and feelings.
Unconditional Support
The victim is going through strong and alternating feelings – it is a natural part of healing. Let them know that you understand and respect their feelings. Crying, grief, anger, and fear – talking about these helps.
It is possible that the close one does not want to talk about what happened. Sometimes it might appear that the sexual assault victim does not feel anything – this is natural as well. Avoiding the thoughts and feelings about the incident gives the person some rest and helps to gather strength for healing. If the evasive pattern persists and the person’s thoughts and feelings are suppressed, you may encourage the victim to talk – tell them that you will still be there once they are ready to talk. If necessary, seek professional help together.
Sometimes it might be difficult to find the right words. Instead of words, staying close and caring is even more consoling and provides safety. Sometimes, a hug or holding hands outweighs all words. At times, the victim will resent physical contact. Listen to them and ask, what kind of help do they want. Be respectful and discreet, allow the victim to heal at their own pace. Be patient. Do not expect your close one to recover faster than they are actually capable of.
How to Find Strength
The incident that happened to your close one also affects you. You may feel guilty that you could not prevent it. Or helplessness, that you can not help and comfort enough. And anger, why did it have to happen. Nightmares, trouble with concentrating and a feeling of helplessness are also characteristic to the victim’s close ones.
You must take care of your needs as well. Time with yourself is also necessary, to spend time with your thoughts and feelings. Talking, writing, and physical activity is of help. Try to consciously relax and rest. Be good to yourself. It gives you strength for helping. Set boundaries for yourself, how far can your help go. Also, consider consulting someone trustworthy or a professional.